I only have one sister.
I have always been interested in Finnish language and culture, from a young age and so has my only sibling. This looked like many summers spent together with other kids who shared our quirky hobby that is Finland - its language and culture. When we weren't at camp, we deployed our "secret language" at places like the back seat of our mom's van and a crowded Olive Garden where we asked each other if we could smell that one strange smell and if we thought anyone else could also smell that strange smell and if not, maybe their noses were broken. She took some Finnish language courses at the University of MN. Although our parents have always supported us through all of the years growing up and working at camp, the experiences were only truly understood by my sister and I (as well as several hundred of our closest Salolampi friends).
Katherine came along, when I moved to Tampere, visited me halfway through my time in Oulu, and helped me move back to Minnesota from Oulu a year later. When I got back from Oulu and started experiencing severe reverse culture shock, Katherine came along to a few community sauna sessions that had emerged at precisely the right time to serve as the liminal space between Suomi and The United States of America. These community sauna opportunities were a perfect fit as it gave me a chance to find new friends after two years away and presented the perfect opportunity to deploy some of my acquired Finnish culture knowledge in a more-or-less curious environment. Turns out that there was so much interest in community sauna, that we had the momentum to crowdfund the build of the first mobile cooperative sauna in the United States. The year of the formation of the co-op and subsequent build was simply captivating for me. I wanted with my whole being for it to succeed. My sister helped a few days during the build. And so, when it came time to host a morsiussauna for my only sibling, the co-op sauna was the ideal location to serve as the transitional space between two distinct periods of her life (and mine too).
The brilliant Finnish folk researcher, Dalva Lamminmäki, PhD (also known as the Folklorist on the Road) first put morsiussauna on my radar around this time last year via her extensive work presenting about Finnish sauna practice, a lot of which is available online. My sister and I had the great fortune of being introduced to sauna as children at summer camp. The practice stuck and we somehow convinced our grandparents to get a sauna at the family cabin, while we were in high school. Sauna has since served as a venue for relaxation and very serious conversation. Somehow the sauna has managed to open up my dad (0% Finnish, to our knowledge) helping him share observations he usually leaves unsaid. And to express concerns he never would express on the outside. That alone has taught me so much about the value of sauna.
So when I found out my sister was getting married, I wondered if she would choose any Finnish elements to add to her ceremony. When it became apparent that so many people had been making the ceremony more about themselves than her and her betrothed, as is common in weddings I have come to learn, I was hesitant to offer one more "idea" for her to try. I didn't want to add one more thing to her list of how to make others happy. I didn't want to add one more activity for her to complete during what had become the most busy time of her life to date. At the same time, selfishly, I wanted this. I wanted this for her. I wanted this for me. My inner voice didn't want to dismiss the idea as selfish and a certain burden to the bride to be. So I pressed on, as gently as I could. A text message here, a call there. And eventually a commitment from her as I waited in line to buy a few decorations for the morsiussauna I hoped would happen.
That was followed by a search for a host sauna. I reached out to my network of MN sauna contacts to inquire about availability. Ben Hecker, a sauna professional and fellow co-op member, helped me see the best and most obvious option admidst the chaos of last minute party planning, in a way that only a good friend can do. A whole block of time on opening weekend available after my shift at Aki's BreadHaus, early enough to get my guests to the "groom's dinner" on time, and it is my sauna (and his), and my sister knows this sauna and helped construct it? Sold! The emergency reservation request sent via email to Jessica, the sole admin employee of the co-op, was met with a quick reply and excitement around the idea. I was beginning to feel very validated. With the sauna privately booked for one and a half hours - the standard amount of time we give our sauna guests, whether for private or community sauna sessions - it was time to get an invite together. A quick design of a digital invite that Katherine could send to those she wished to invite was assembled and proofread by our mom and Ben. Within a few minutes, her best friend since middle school replied with a YES and a few very legitimate questions. I sometimes forget that not everyone knows sauna like we do. That was followed by a YES from our mom. And that was it. It would be just us four - Katherine, Mom, Emma, and me. As someone who prefers small parties to crowded bangers, I was delighted that this sauna could remain intimate and meaningful.
I felt the need to bolster my morsiussauna knowledge, so also sent many messages to my lady friends who may have participated in or hosted one of these niche rites of passages. I was very happy that so many were quick to respond, even if just to say they had never heard of morsiussauna. I glowed in appreciation of the amount of effort a few of them put into their replies - especially Lotta Leiwo, Karen Ba, Jaana Nyström, Victoria Stewart, Lisa Romano, Minna Sorri, Hanna Rahikainen, Siina Vieri, Silva Laukkanen, Lotta Kiuru-Ribar, Emma Beddoe, Minna Dunder-Beddoe, Jodi Hyrkäs, and Kjerstin Moody. Armed with a plethora of ideas and direct relevant quotes from Suomen Kansan Vanhat Runot via Lotta Leiwo, I set forth to get this all pulled together in two and a half days. With a last minute text to our mom the morning before to see if she would be willing to hack down a few branches from the trees in the yard, I was as prepared as I could possibly be. At the conclusion of my work shift at the bakery, I picked out a few treats for the sauna guests - honey almond cakes and sourdough rye buns (aka, ruisleipä). I made a quick stop at home to wake up my cat, collect my sauna decorations, change into my swimsuit and morsiussauna dress, and grab my sauna bag and kantele.
I arrived at the sauna to the warm greeting of a host I had never met before. As delicately as I could, I told him what was about to happen and that I would appreciate it if he could be elsewhere during the session as it is traditional to have only women present and although that has evolved in recent years, most would prefer to have only known and invited guests present for this rite of passage. He complied and even honored my request to bring the temperature of the sauna down a bit (my sister has been struggling with heat exhaustion lately), before setting off to a destination both close enough to help if something came up and far enough away to respect the ceremony.
I am not willing to share about what happened in the sauna in a blog post. It was too sacred and private. All I will share is that it ended up being a favorite point of the weekend for all of us. As the steam rolled over us between rounds of metaphorical rituals, we got something rarely offered by more common bachelorette parties, sober presence with one another, breathing the same air, relaxation, and a way to prepare for the impending change in our relationships with Katherine as she prepared for marriage the very next day. The moment was as special for us as it was for her. I couldn't have asked for more.
If you are interested in the rituals involved in morsiussauna, please feel free to contact me via email (luumuabc@gmail.com) to set up a meeting. Luumu - Finnish Living is also available for helping you host a morsiussauna for your sister, friend, cousin, aunt, or other relation. Send an email, if you'd like to talk through options for this.
